Sunday Depression

Published by Laurie on Tagged Work/Career, Anxiety, Mindset

The symptoms

Here it is Sunday already and the familiar feelings have started. The chest heaviness, the shortness of breath, the lethargy and general malaise, it’s the usual Sunday Depression that has set in. I have been suffering from this particular brand of depression for the last few years. It is brought on by a severe dissatisfaction with my job. My husband also suffers with this and that makes Sundays around here rather …what’s the word I’m looking for?…depressing.

It really is not so uncommon as I’ve found out from others I have spoken to. I would estimate that half of my friends and relatives suffer with this to one degree or another. I started feeling this way about 3 years ago. At first the symptoms were mild, just a generally feeling of dread would set in around 6pm or so on Sunday evenings. I would sulk a bit after dinner, and by 8pm, I was no pleasure to be around. Slowly over the years, my symptoms worsened. The onset became earlier and earlier in the day. Now, I wake up on Sunday with that same feeling of dread, only multiplied many times. I can’t seem to find enjoyment at all in anything I do throughout the day. This leads me to not only feel depressed, but angry that my free time has been invaded with depression. Angry at myself for “ruining” one of my only 2 days per week where I don’t have to go to work. I feel frustrated and helpless. Did you ever see the movie Office Space? (I love that movie), well in that movie, there’s a sickening sweet secretary that comments on all of the employees in a foul mood on Monday, saying “It looks like someone’s got a case of the Monday’s!” This feels like a case of the Monday’s, only it begins on Sunday. Personally, for me, Monday’s are fine. Once I have accepted my fate, I just accept reality for what it is and trudge forward.

The Cure
The upside to all of this is that there is a cure. In fact there are several treatments available to cure this insidious malady. The easiest, yet the most irresponsible cure would be to quit my job tomorrow. I fantasize about that often. However, such a drastic measure would be sure to bring many other forms of depression upon me. So that one’s out. Next, I could try to bring about change at my current job, talk to my superiors, and make some minor changes in the environment that would allow me to tolerate my job a little more. Well, I have tried that, for many years, unfortunately, I feel I am too far-gone. What was once a challenging and satisfying position has become unchallenging and mundane. I feel my best chance for a cure would be to find a new position elsewhere, or change my career entirely to something that is personally satisfying to me.

So why don’t I do it? Good question. First and foremost are my responsibilities to my family. I make a decent living, I have health insurance, and I have many, many, (did I say many?) financial obligations. Bottom line: I need the money. Believe me, I did not expect to play the martyr for the welfare of my family. That was not in my master plan. My master plan was for all of us to be fulfilled, and happy in our lives, but circumstances sometimes arise where all is not possible. At least at the moment you would like.

So, my current prescription for myself has been to try to alleviate these symptoms with good, old-fashioned will power. Trying to will myself not to think about my sentence that begins each Monday morning and enjoy my 2-day weekly parole to it’s fullest. It’s easier said than done. I can tell you that. I have had little to no success with this lately.
But the only thing that is entirely under my control is my own mindset. I don’t mean just wishing it away, but actually changing how I perceive my situation. How I perceive my reality. I can choose that at any time. And I am trying. I realize that I’m lucky in many ways that I even have employment, many people don’t, and that I have health insurance, many people don’t. I realize there are plenty of people who actually do wish for my circumstances. It does comfort me somewhat. It helps me to come out of this wallowing in self-pity state of mind.

I guess when all is said and done, I really should feel lucky. But until I can master my mindset, I will have to settle for lucky and depressed.

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