Back to School
Published by Laurie on Tagged Family, LifeIt seems like only a few weeks ago I was longing for summer break to get here. I was excited that school would be out for the summer. No more PTA meetings, no more choir concerts, no more running out at the last minute for project boards, no more hounding the kids about their homework assignments. I looked forward to the summer, thinking finally I could come home to the housework already completed, the lawn mowed, the dog’s food bowl filled. What was I thinking?
The reality of summer was coming home from work to find the dishwasher still full, dishes in the sink, no clothes washed, kids sleeping till noon or later. There’s never any food in the house, since they eat all day long. By the time I come home and make dinner…surprise! No one is hungry. I walk in the house and immediately am on their case. Why hasn’t this gotten done? “Sorry, I forgot”, is the typical answer. The little amount of time we spend together has become a battleground over the summer. I look back at the last few months and I really don’t see much quality time spent with the kids. I know, they’re teenagers, they don’t want quality time with their mom anyway, but once time has passed, we can’t get it back. We haven’t been on the same page all summer. They are in vacation mode while I’m in work mode. It’s bad enough not being on the same page with your teen, that’s a given, but over the summer, we haven’t even been reading the same book.
Reconnect
I’m actually looking forward to the start of school, but not for the reasons many parents look forward to it. Having school back in session doesn’t give me any more free time, it doesn’t solve daycare issues (I don’t have to worry about day care anymore). I’m looking forward to it because we will finally be in the same frame of mind, my kids and I. We will actually reconnect with each other. We will all be tired after a long day at school and work, we will all have lingering responsibilities in the evenings, homework, dinner, etc. My kids will actually regain some empathy for their poor parents who run through the daily grind all year long. We can regain the structure to our daily lives. We seem to all get along much better in the structured environment of the school year. And perhaps I will no longer be viewed as the killjoy of the summer. Bottom line is we all relate better under those conditions and that’s no small feat with teenagers. I already can see them starting to exert their independence, and I while I want that for them. (I don’t want to be raising helpless, whiny individuals, I work for enough of those), I still miss the days when I had more control over their lives, as a parent. But as they come into their own, and don’t “need” me as much anymore (except for the rides and the money, they always need that) I welcome their increased responsibilities as it helps us bond as adults. They can see that while life is busy, and we all need to take care of our responsibilities, we need to remember what’s important. We need to look out for each other, have empathy towards one another.
I think they like the fact that I’ll listen to how rough their day was and they actually feel like I understand them. If only for that moment, that’s pretty huge with a teenager. Usually all I hear is how I don’t understand. How I have no idea, or how I need to just leave them alone. Having school back in session, believe it or not, actually brings us together.
It’s not like we sit around complaining. I think there is a difference between complaining and commiserating. Commiserating in my household actually brings us together. It’s still a connection at some level. Are we dysfunctional? Maybe, but as a parent of two teenagers, I’m going to take what I can get.
So, today, the first day back for my kids is a good day. And tonight, I’ll be spending some quality time with my teens, most likely at Walmart, picking up the book covers, binders, or whatever else as we commiserate about our hectic day.
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