Shed Some Light on SAD

Published by Laurie on Tagged Depression, Life, Health

The leaves are changing, the air is crisp.  All signs point to the dreaded winter months ahead, especially where I live, the winters can be brutal.  Time to break out the light box (I should have started last month) I’m no hypochondriac, but I am absolutely, 100% positive I have mild to moderate Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). 

I am a completely different person in the spring and summer than I am in the fall and winter. In the summer months, I have enthusiasm, energy, optimism of a normal person.  In the winter months, I feel tired, hopeless, and old. The weather forecast would directly mirror my moods.  Summer: sunny and pleasant, Winter: cold and dreary. This has been going on for 10 years or so, worsening with each year.  Two years ago, it was so bad, I was convinced I was experiencing clinical depression. 

At first I attributed it to perimenopause.  (Everyone knows once your hormones start flipping out, so do you) , but this wasn’t episodic, it was constant.  I was really depressed.  How did I know?  I used my own test of imagining how I would feel if I won the lottery.  I couldn’t even crack a smile.  I thought who cares, I just want to sleep.  Well, that armchair diagnosis was a wake-up call. 

I struggled the rest of the winter, then, as spring approached, things miraculously seemed better.  It was that following summer, that I purchased the light box. (which was much more affordable and practical then moving to a sunnier climate)  I used it for the first time last winter and what a difference.  I started getting up a half hour earlier every morning (it didn’t matter, it’s dark when I wake up normally) got ready for work, the sat with a cup of coffee under this light for about 30 minutes each day.  At first it seemed a little eerie.  The light is supposed to simulate sunlight, yet it’s white, kind of like fluorescent, but brighter, not the yellow light I associate with sun.  I was a bit skeptical. (of course I was, nothing happened after one day and patience is not one of my virtues)  But after a week, it wasn’t so much me that noticed a change, but my husband and kids, and even the people at work noticed.  (they probably thought I started drinking)  Now, this is not to say I suddenly turned into Miss Cheerful, but it was the little things. I was actually pleasant.  I would smile.  I was awake.  I was engaged in my life again. 

I felt like I had discovered some great drug.  Of course I tried to push it onto my husband and even my kids, but they didn’t need it.  They didn’t feel depressed, and none of them were willing to give up an additional 30 minutes of precious morning sleep.

Over the last couple of weeks, as it’s becoming increasingly dark in the mornings and evenings, I have been feeling lethargic and blah.  I have been meaning to start the “light” but have been putting it off for whatever reason.  But this is it.  I have to start tomorrow morning.  No more excuses.  I am sure that within a couple of weeks, even these posts will take on a more positive vibe.  I have to snap out this, and hopefully, if last year’s success is any measure, this winter should be a much happier one.

For more information on Seasonal Affective Disorder, see this site from the Mayo Clinic.  (also note; there are apparently different kinds of SAD, Winter SAD and Summer SAD.  Check out Summer SAD’s symptoms…weight loss and increased (yes, increased) sex drive?  Now that’s a form of depression I could live with)

Stumble it!

October 19th, 2007